Stuff That Happens At Blood Gulch
by Nilesmac
Summary: Random shorts about things that happens between the Reds Vs Blues in Blood Gulch. Just for Fun. Enjoy!


_Hey, everybody. I decided to upload some random shorts about things that I think would be funny if they happened in Red Vs Blue for fun, since I haven't been uploading other material as often as I'd like too because writing a story takes a million billion trillion years to complete._

_Enjoy the randomness!_

* * *

1. Getting Password Locked Doors

Simmons rushed up to Sarge panicking.

"Sarge!" Simmons yelled.

"Oh, well hello there Simmons! What's the dealio?"

"I told Grif the wrong password just as a joke so he couldn't get in the base, but then the Blues kidnapped him!"

"It's alright, Simmons. Just look at the bright side, Grifs been kidnapped!"

"But with just the two of us here, the Blues will overwhelm us with numbers. We can't abandon him. We need to rescue Grif!"

"What?"

"We need to rescue Grif!

"Huh?"

"Can you not hear me?"

"No."

"If we don't rescue Grif his resolve might break under interrogation and leak important Intel to the Blues. And let's be honest with ourselves, that is a very, very, likely possibility."

There's a slight awkward pause.

"Oh, well hello there Simmons! What's the dealio?" Sarge said.

"So you're just going to pretend we weren't having that conversation now?"

"What conversation?"

"I'll try this again. Sarge, I'm going to the Blue base to kill the blues and _nothing_ else. Do you want to come?"

"Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to attack the Blues for anything! I call Shotgun!"

Sarge leaped into the warthog.

* * *

2. Getting Kidnapped Because You Didn't Know Password To Said Locked Door.

Grif regained conciseness. He was bound to a chair with rope. There was not a light in the room except for a hanging lamp that cast a small spot light in front of him. Two Blue soldiers crept out of the darkness under the light.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't our arch nemesis, Sarge." Tucker said.

"I'm Grif."

"I don't care." Tucker replied.

Caboose then said, "It's nice to meet you. My name is Caboose. This is my friend, Tucker. He is my pingy side kick. We solve crimes and entertain the populous with our saucy banter."

"Shut up, Caboose. Anyways, we have a few questions for you, Sarge."

"No. It's Grif. . ." Grif corrected.

"WHERE'S THE MAYOR?!" Caboose interrupted.

"That's not the question, Caboose!" Tucker hissed.

"Okay. Just to make it clear. . . I'm completely lost." Caboose said.

Grif laughed, "Oh wow! You guys are pathetic!"

Tucker pistol whipped Grif.

"Ouch! Why pistol whip me?!" Grif exclaimed.

"Answer the question!" Tucker said.

"You haven't asked me anything!"

Tucker pistol whipped him.

"Weak, dude." Grif croaked.

Tucker turned to Caboose and said, "Well you can call me Freddy Mercury, not because I died from a tragic complication with AIDS, but pistol whipping people makes me feel like the PRINCE OF THE UNIVERSE!"

Grif shook his head, "Bad joke."

Tucker turned. He then pistol whipped Grif.

"Goddamnit! You fuck face!" Grif shouted.

"Avast, peasant!" Tucker said, tilting his head up in a cocky manner, placing his hands on his hips; looking stupidly triumphant.

"Oh, God." Grif said., "Please don't start talking like—"

"Thou shal keep thy mouth shut in the presence of a totally badass prince." Tucker said with his index finger pointed up.

"Yes, us princes!" Caboose chimed in.

"No, Caboose. Only I get to be a prince."

"Why can't we both be princes? Together?"

"Because I came up with the 'Princes of the Universe' Queen reference. Therefore I am the prince."

"Can I be the Queen then?" Caboose asked.

"Caboose, why the fuck do you want to be a Queen?"

"The tiara mostly."

"Whatever, homo." Tucker replied.

"Yes! Now I can talk fancy!" Caboose cleared his throat, "Avast, sir young maiden!" He said in his best mid-evil knight voice voice.

"Oh my God!" Grif exclaimed," What do assholes you want? This is seriously worse than physical torture!"

"What we request in return tis' but thy secret word to gain entrance to thy fortress." Tucker said.

"What?" Grif asked.

"We request thy secret word to gain entrance to thy fortress." Tucker repeated.

". . .I don't understand what you're saying."

Tucker shouted into Grif's face, "Password! What's the fucking password to your base, Sarge?!"

"I'm Grif!"

Tucker pistol whipped him, knocking the chair over on the floor.


End file.
